What the fuck’s goin’ on here?
Varoufakis WHIPS her gun toward the stranger.
SCHÄUBLE, by the bathroom, has his gun out, dead-aimed at
Varoufakis.
MERKEL
It’s cool, Schäuble! It’s cool!
Don’t do a goddamn thing. Varoufakis,
it’s cool baby, nothin’s changed.
We’re still just talkin’,
(to Tsipras)
Tell her we’re still cool.
TSIPRAS
It’s cool, Varoufakis, we’re still
cool.
SCHÄUBLE
(gun raised)
What the hell’s goin’ on, Merkel?
MERKEL
Nothin’ I can’t handle. I want you
to just hang back and don’t do shit
unless it’s absolutely necessary.
SCHÄUBLE
Check.
MERKEL
Varoufakis, how we doin, baby?
VAROUFAKIS
I gotta go pee! I want to go home.
MERKEL
Just hang in there, baby, you’re
doing’ great, Tsipras proud of you
and so am I. It’s almost over,
(to Tsipras)
Now I want you to go in that bag
and find my wallet.
TSIPRAS
Which one is it?
MERKEL
It’s the one that says Bad Motherfucker on it.
Tsipras looks in the bag and — sure enough — there’s a
wallet with “Bad Motherfucker” embroidered on it.
MERKEL
That’s my bad motherfucker. Now open it up and take out the cash.
How much is there?
TSIPRAS
About 53 billion
MERKEL
Put it in your pocket, it’s yours.
Now with the rest of them wallets
and the register, that makes this a
pretty successful little score.
SCHÄUBLE
Merkel, if you give this nimrod
53 billion, I’m gonna
shoot ’em on general principle.
MERKEL
You ain’t gonna do a goddamn thing,
now hang back and shut the fuck up.
Besides, I ain’t givin’ it to him.
I’m buyin’ somethin’ for my money.
Wanna know what I’m buyin’ Tsipras?
TSIPRAS
What?
MERKEL
Your life. I’m givin’ you that
money so I don’t hafta kill your
ass. You read the Bible?
TSIPRAS
Not regularly.
MERKEL
There’s a passage I got memorized.
Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the
righteous man is beset on all sides
by the inequities of the selfish
and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who, in the name of
charity and good will, shepherds
the weak through the valley of the
darkness. For he is truly his
brother’s keeper and the finder of
lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee
with great vengeance and furious
anger those who attempt to poison
and destroy my brothers. And you
will know I am the Lord when I lay
my vengeance upon you.” I been
sayin’ that shit for years. And if
you ever heard it, it meant your
ass. I never really questioned
what it meant. I thought it was
just a cold-blooded thing to say to
a motherfucker ‘fore you popped a
cap in his ass. But I saw some
shit this mornin’ made me think
twice. Now I’m thinkin’, it could
mean you’re the evil man. And I’m
the righteous man. And Mr. .45
here, he’s the shepherd protecting
my righteous ass in the valley of
darkness. Or is could by you’re
the righteous man and I’m the
shepherd and it’s the world that’s
evil and selfish. I’d like that.
But that shit ain’t the truth. The
truth is you’re the weak. And I’m
the tyranny of evil men. But I’m
tryin’. I’m tryin’ real hard to be
a shepherd.
Merkel lowers his gun, lying it on the table.
Tsipras looks at him, to the money in his hand, then to
Varoufakis. She looks back.
Grabbing the trash bag full of wallets, the two RUN out the
door.
Merkel, who was never risen from his seat the whole time, takes
a sip of coffee.
MERKEL
(to himself)
It’s cold.
He pushes it aside.
Schäuble appears next to Merkel.
SCHÄUBLE
I think we oughta leave now.
MERKEL
That’s probably a good idea.
* Thanks, Quentin Tarantino, Tarmo Jüristo.
